so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
