haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize