just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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