Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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