You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize