Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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