I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
