Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
