Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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