i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As shirtless as possible
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
