Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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