I wish I could teleport
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
