jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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