just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
