Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So much rum. So many feels.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
