When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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