If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
