But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
