shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
