What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
