Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
