You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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