margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
