He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
