i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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