i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You pole danced in your parka.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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