I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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