The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
