Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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