I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
