Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need water and some morals
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
