community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this hospital has no fireball
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
