I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
