We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize