you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have post one night stand depression
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