did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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