My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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