I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have tasted many bathrooms
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize