when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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