How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
