I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
