Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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