how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I forget how to act sober
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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