I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
