I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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