Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
