Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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