his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
