Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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