I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
