If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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