adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
