i think my tv is drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
