I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
