I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
