I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
