I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
