I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
