My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
