Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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