I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
