It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
