i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
