dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
