god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
