I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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