Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it glows. i had to have it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
