so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
