He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
