So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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