Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
