genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
