let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
