yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
handjob tips. give me some.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
