I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
