ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
