Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
