You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
