Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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