I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cockslap morals
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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