Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
