His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
